Disclaimer: I really do want to start blogging. These are my thoughts. They may or may not always be grammatically correct, they may or may not always be backed up by sources, resources, articles, etc. They are my opinions. They may differ from yours. This is allowed. And that’s ok.
So- lately I, as most of the nation, have had Sandy Hooks Elementary School on my mind nearly constantly for the past week. I too have been at a loss of words about this seemingly senseless tragedy. It absolutely breaks my heart that those children, teachers, and principal had to die in a loving school environment, where they should feel safe. It breaks my heart for the parents of those children, so close to Christmas. It breaks my heart for their siblings. I have only the deepest sympathy, and I wish that there were something that I could say that could help ease the pain. I can’t even imagine a loss so great.
Since this horrific event has happened, the media as well as ordinary people in ordinary conversations have brought up the issue of gun control, and of mental health. People are arguing what’s right, what’s wrong. I too find myself asking why, as the world pauses and inserts all of the “if only’s” (I will interlude here to insert my favorite lullaby written by Louis Sachar in the book Holes:
“If only, if only,” the woodpecker sighs,
“the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies.”
And the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely.
He cries to the moon, “if only if only.” ) We always seem to be grasping for things that are just out of reach. We constantly find problems instead of being grateful for what we are given. People, myself included, take so much for granted.
As I get angry at the fact that this massacre occurred, I also get angry at the fact that everyone considers there to only be 26 victims (and well, also at the word “victim,” but that is a different story.) I believe that there were 28 tragic deaths that day. I also believe that everyone who has been affected by this shooting at Sandy Hook has been victimized.
But this brings up a deeper issue. Should we mourn the killer? Should we pray for his murderous soul as well? This is the part that people may disagree with me about. I pray for Adam Lanza. I am the type of girl who instinctively seeks to see the good in others. I honestly and truly believe that every person is good. I believe that good people do bad things. I do not believe in bad people. Perhaps I see the world through rose-colored glasses. Perhaps I am too optimistic, giving the human race more credit than it deserves. I am still torn, as I have given this thunk a lot of thought. I go back as I think about the other murders that I have seen depicted on the news, story after story of violence, night after night. I think back to this summer, the massacre at the Colorado movie theater, I think back to Columbine, to Virginia Tech, to Oklahoma City. I remember being 5 years old, living in Lawton, OK at the time and going to see the Oklahoma City Bombing memorial. I forever will remember a picture of a very pretty toddler pinned the the fence, wearing this beautiful dress and big sun-hat. I didn’t even have to ask my mom, I knew that she had been one of the children who died in the bombing. That picture has haunted me my whole life, knowing at a very young age that life was precious and that it could be ended by anyone, for any reason, or, sometimes even without reason, at any time.
I believe that people’s lives are made up by a series of choices, and I believe that one thing leads to the next. In the case of Sandy Hook Elementary, I believe that Adam Lanza made a very bad choice. Whether or not I truly believe he was a bad person, I just can’t bring myself to do that. I didn’t know him. I’m not at all defending him. He killed, he senselessly murdered innocent people. He stole precious lives away from precious families. How could he? So many questions. I can’t pretend that I have the answers. All I have is hope.
I know that much of the world still is grasping for answers in this terrible tragedy. I wish that we had the resources to protect everyone from this kind of instantaneous harm. I wish that we weren’t becoming so accustomed to hearing about these sort of tragedies.
Even still, I hold to my belief that people are good, and that circumstance, illness, and strings of bad decisions leads to bad things. Our responsibility? Be kind to each other.
Stay Strong Newtown. God Bless.